now it seems everything just passes me by in glimpses--that little dot on your tooth that i never fail to notice everytime you smile, or how your eyes disappear into slits whenever you laugh. i remember how my fingers would strain when we hold hands that long. still, i wouldn't let go. there never was a grander feeling. but all those will now be forcefully hidden somewhere in my recollection, only to be evoked in secret smiles when everything else is just silent, or when i slowly drag my mind through the tedium of everyday. i constantly remind myself to forget you even though i know that it's just futile.

but don't get me wrong. i have accepted long ago that i will always be lonely even when we are together. know that it's unhealthy for me when we just end up staring at each other. perhaps i would have held on if you told me to. but you didn't. so now i will just watch as you write your silly poems for another. and maybe somebody else will be there to make me laugh. it is what it is--a tragic glitch in the universe of things.

still, i have no regrets. just one final question for you, my dear--did you ever really know who i am?