i wish i could write something painful and poignant about the vagabond but my words come out hollow these past few days. i'm afraid i'm in that idle state called happiness. and when at this state, it's so difficult to conjure words worthy of your taste for the bitter drama, mary jane. but i'll try. so here goes...

the vagabond

once there was this vietnamese girl who believed in the worn out love adage, "if you love somebody set him free; if he comes back then it was meant to be". and so upon returning to vietnam for good, that’s what she and her boyfriend did. they set each other free, only with their uncertain destiny to guide them back together in the future. but the future is long way to go. thousands of miles away and four years apart (she’s 27, he’s 23), perhaps they are just a distant dream. and so they decided to go on separate ways and put all their love on the shelf so that they could live their lives the way they should. but beyond all doubt one thing's certain--after his journey, the guy plans to return home to her. for now, they are drifters. this vietnamese girl, she’s living her life somewhere in her homeland. and the guy—on his continuing journey, he crossed my path.

and so it begins, this crazy roller coaster ride into one possibly big heartache. it’s like my days start where i fall for him and end with me getting over. it's all a venturesome cycle of twists an sudden dips, with a rattling sound that goes-- "i fall, i get over, i fall, i get over, i fall, i get over". sometimes it gets exhausting but maybe it’s not so foolish to say that it all must be in the attempt, that what matters more is the journey and not the destiny (pardon the cliche). we’re young and foolish and we like to go over and over learning the errors of our frivolous ways.

i remember telling this wanderer once that while we’re together, what i’d really like to do is learn his thoughts, share his adventures, take care of him and share a part of myself. in a nutshell, that’s what most relationships are all about. love--that’s something that just happens while you're looking away, something that hits you unexpectedly from nowhere. sometimes there are no fireworks or explosion of stars as if the whole universe just aligns to reveal an overwhelming view of the future. sometimes it's during some idle afternoon when it hits you that you're already in the middle before you realize that you have begun. i remember i was staring blankly at this view when it hit me.



it would have been one of the drabbest views if it's not revelatory for me.

still, there is bitter tragedy in holding hands, good night embraces and kissing in dark corners that are rendered futile by the words "for now", and of how we know that all but one of our romantic relationships have expiry dates. while it is easy to love, it is so much difficult to unlearn it. but given the choice, i still would have leapt and crashed into this vagabond. i would still fall and fall hard, have my heart broken (most probably will) then after a few years, wonder if he ever gets home to his vietnamese girl.